Celebrating Life...My Dad...My Hero...the first man to love me!

As I set out to write (and rewrite) this tribute, I am drawn to many points of departure. Do I start with recognizing that this particular celebration is about the first man who ever loved me? Do I recognize that he is the first man that I ever loved? Do I mention that he was my biggest fan? How do I begin? Where do I begin? Should I begin at the beginning?

My Dad...my biggest fan...the man who believed in me maybe when I didn't...the guy I called when I was lying on the bathroom floor, sick with the flu or when my heart was broken by a boyfriend. Today I celebrate my dad. Today I celebrate the love I have for my dad every day.

Three years ago I wrote my dad's eulogy - the celebration of him...not a list of accomplishments, but a celebration of who he was and still is. I have it right beside me. What struck me as I reread it was how relevant it is today. I wrote, "I would like to begin today by thanking everyone for joining us to celebrate my dad. He never wanted a funeral...he wanted to celebrate - celebrate his life and the times we shared with him." I want to celebrate my dad, the way I remember him...the way I love him.

Three years ago today my dad passed away. He was on a trip of a lifetime with my mom and son. He told all of his friends in the weeks leading up to this opportunity how excited he was. He was so happy to have the chance to take Jamison on this vacation...to teach him...to have fun...to just be together. What a gift that time turned out to be.  He died in paradise with his biggest love, Jamison, right by his side, He died with the warm tropical sun bathing his back. Despite all the beauty and love, he still died. Three years ago, my world  changed forever.

My dad was my biggest fan. Sometimes this was embarrassing - mortifying, in fact. He attended my piano recitals, telling other dads that his daughter was better than theirs. Shouting "encouragement" at me from the sidelines. Clapping loudly for all to hear. My dad didn't often articulate how proud he was to us, but he did frequently share his feelings with close friends and family.

I remember bed times as a child vividly. I would wait to hear the click of his ankle and creak of the stairs each night when he came up to say goodnight...and always "I love you". I remember listening for the sound of his car as he sped up the hill after a day at the office. I remember weekends skiing - sometimes on chair lifts without bars...he always secured his poles in place to keep me safe and sound.

There were moments of pure heroics in our lives. Moments when my dad risked his safety to preserve mine. One such event took place at Pigeon Lake...a walk before bed turned in to the run of my life as incredibly vicious dogs chased me from cabin to cabin. My dad swore my feet never touched the ground as I flew to our cabin, the hot breath of the dogs right behind my chubby legs. My dad, my hero shot out of the cabin to stop the dogs from hurting me. He was my protector.

My dad took us all to Hawaii, year after year for family holidays. It was his place (ok, it was my mom's first, but it became his). It was our place, On one such trip when I was 10, I saw my dad, again, as my protector. I was swimming, pulled out to sea by a strong under-tow. Before I knew it I was beyond anywhere safe. The surfers wouldn't even come to my rescue. Huge rocks to my left...huge waves breaking over my head. Like a flash, my dad was there - clinging to the rocks as waves crashed on and around him...threatening to toss him into the sea as well. I can't tell you what he said to me or how everything transpired, but I know that my dad (not a swimmer) risked his life to save mine. Thank god I had long hair that he could grab and pull...his feet were all cut and bleeding, but his goal was clear - not to give up! I have written about this experience many times. The power of the moment has not waned in 37 years...it probably never will.

Don't get me wrong, my dad and I had our moments. He set the standards high for us. He always wanted us to do our best. Disappointing him was the worst! We had our epic battles - both of us stubborn and unwilling to back down. The apple, they say, does not fall far from the tree! I find that as a parent now myself, there are many times when I open my mouth and my dad comes out!

When I became a parent, our relationship changed. He supported my decision from the start. I could trust him to make sure that we were well looked after. He loved my son before he was born. My dad became a different person when Jamison was born. He moved heaven and earth for him again and again. My dad was truly in love with Jamison. He was truly present when they were together, His face softened, his eyes twinkled. When he had a bad day, he called Jamison and all was right again. To see the two of them together was a sight to behold. Such trouble in the making! They joked together often, shared secrets (although Jamison always outed his Grandad) and seemed to always be up to something!

Family meant the world to my dad. He was the glue that held everyone together. Traditions were important. He loved to celebrate and show those he cared for that they mattered. Family also included friends - the family he made for himself. He was fiercely loyal. He looked after his friends as if he was the only one who could. He left a legacy. He set the bar high...once again.

My dad was a leader, He was loyal, He was ethical. He had integrity. He exemplified hard work. He valued relationships, honesty and commitment. He had such an amazing reputation in the community. His support never waivered. His expectations never lowered. He lived his values every day.

In 2010, my dad made himself a bet that I would get married that year. His fierce love and need to protect did not go unnoticed by my husband-to-be. Thank god he didn't run from the challenge! My dad didn't make it easy :-). Once my dad realized that "this was it", he told me Ï have had this dance for the last 42 years. It is time for you to dance with someone else." He knew that we were in very good hands and that I would continue to be loved, and more importantly, protected.

The legacy he created was never more evident the day he died. His values of family, love, loyalty and hard work came through loud and clear. The strength of the bond between my dad and my son - the love they had for each other - the loyalty they felt towards each other fueled the journey they both faced. To this day, three years later, it is hard for me to imagine just what happened - how a boy of 8 years of age could pull a man of my dad's size to shore.

I know my dad was there with Jamison...the strength of their love propelled him to the beach. That day the circle of "saving" of "protection" came around. My dad saved me so that I could bring the gift of my son into our lives...so he could, one day, "save" him...



To this day I am thankful for so many things. I am thankful that my dad loved and supported us as fiercely as he did. I am thankful that he provided us with everything we needed and he never had. I am thankful that he never gave up on us even when we, I mean I, was a challenge. I am thankful I was raised with such strong values. I am thankful I spoke with my dad often. I am thankful that the legacy my dad left as the man he is lives on so strongly in the memories we all have of him. I am thankful that he knew I loved him. I have no regrets...I told him I loved him often. The last time I saw my dad was at the airport as he disappeared through security. I yelled "I love you Grandad" as he walked away...

On this beach in the Turks and Caicos, I told him I loved him. When I visit Maui, I tell him I love him...we sprinkled some of his ashes where we spent so many family vacations. It's a good reason to return year after year...

This is a celebration without an end...my heart doesn't ache quite the way it did three years ago. It is as full, if not more, with the love I have for my dad. I have much to celebrate in the life he gave me and in the love we had. When I look at my son, I see my dad...every...single...day. I am thankful for his part in my journey!

  

4 Quarters are better than 100 Pennies...

In this world of social media, we can connect with hundreds of people across continents. Are these connections really "connections"? How often do we honestly make an effort to keep in touch with all of these "friends". I do like knowing that I can reach out and communicate with past students, friends from elementary school, friends from afar, close relatives and those in between. I've been blessed with some great friendships in my life - some have stood the test of time; some were to teach me something, some were short and fleeting...what I truly appreciate about the relationships I have had, is that I can easily identify one or two really close friends from each stage of my life. I am lucky!

The saying goes, "it's better to have 4 quarters than 100 pennies" Quality over quantity. This week I am celebrating one of my "quarters" although she is much more valuable to me than that!



I have known Jennifer for more than 1/2 my life. We may argue as to the exact day we met or age we were at the time, but one thing is for sure - we became fast friends! We met at Pigeon Lake...the scene of the crime. One weekend of socializing with the gang. Nothing outlandish. I can't remember the night we met or what we did, but I do remember having a lot of fun once we solidified our friendship. Laughter was a major component of every occasion!

One fall, deep in to our friendship, I convinced Jennifer to join me at the Republik. It wasn't necessarily her scene, but it was mine. She was used to that type of outing as I had been "dragging" her to The Den at the U of C and other dives for quite some time. Once at the Republik, I (maybe not so subtly) told her to smile or she would never meet a man. The rest, they say, was history - Jennifer met Doug; they dated and soon married. The wedding was so much fun - I loved being the Emcee...wedding jeopardy...Table 81...lots to celebrate. And celebrate we did...Jennifer's new life together with Doug!

Jennifer, a young and promising lawyer, soon learned she was expecting their first child. Kira made quite the entrance into this world and won over the hearts of many with her cute smile, infectious giggle and twinkling eyes. Although her time here was not nearly long enough at all, she impacted many lives. I was honored to deliver Kira's eulogy. We celebrated Kira's life.

Jennifer did not and could not give up for she was expecting their second child. Amy was the center of Jennifer's universe. We celebrated the arrival of such a beautiful and vivacious little girl.

Soon Amy was joined by Rylan, two years her junior (but only five months older than my son!). I was thrilled to have an instant friend for Jamison... and the advice, hand-me-downs and incredible gifts that Jennifer lovingly sent our way were always appreciated!

Over-the-top birthday celebrations were the norm - I'm not talking about mine...although I do love a good birthday party! Jennifer always made sure that every child in attendance received an elaborate and, sometimes custom made, gift bag. Rylan's party this year took place at McMahon Stadium, home of the Stampeders. It wasn't just a celebration for Rylan, It was an opportunity for children and families connected to Hospice Calgary to join in some serious fun and forget their worries and grief even if just for one afternoon. Jennifer celebrates others when they don't think they can.

Jennifer is truly a GIVER. She is a rare breed. Over time, she has cultivated deep and lasting friendships - not a surprise - with so many amazing people...from Hockey amd Football stars, to Olympic heroes, to "plain old" moms like me. These friendships have proved invaluable as time has passed.

Several years ago, while traveling to Sun Peaks. BC for a ski holiday, Jennifer's life took another turn. On that trip, their SUV was involved in an accident. In a heartbeat, Jennifer lost her husband, Doug, and her precious Amy. Jennifer survived - battered, bruised, broken in more ways than one. She survived. Rylan survived. Jennifer could not and would not give up. We celebrated the lives left for us to love, and those we loved but had to grieve.

Death can sometimes change those left to mourn. I see Jennifer bathed in love and light, surrounded by angels. She continues to give and think of others in ways I could not even begin to imagine. She surprises us all so often with her generosity and endless love. 

In the months that followed the accident, Jennifer slowly began to recover physically, although that journey is still far from done and may never be. She also began her journey of healing. To celebrate our boys, we headed to Disneyland. It was a magical experience to say the least (although we could have done without the earthquake on the last day). We had such fun...outlasting our sons every night! How we pulled it off, I may never know!

Jennifer has devoted her life to Rylan. She has been highly involved with his schools and schooling. She has spent countless hours driving back and forth to football, hockey and swimming practices and games. She is the quintessential sports mom - her bags are always filled with treats for all kids (and adults) around.

There have been many moments of levity and laughter during our years as friends. Sweater - interventions, late night phone conversations, crazy shopping sprees, and more. We offered each other support when needed. I remember "running away" to Jennifer's condo after an argument with my dad. Yes, I was in my 20s, but what the heck! Jennifer has been there to hear all of my sob stories about my break-ups too...she could have enough material for a comedy routine if she chose to do so!

Last year, Jennifer asked me if I would go to Maui with her and Rylan. Maui was where Kira passed away fourteen years earlier. Jennifer was ready to go back to heal, and I couldn't have been more honored to accompany both her and Rylan. I was so proud of her! It was a tough trip for sure, and Jennifer, once again, exuded strength and bravery. We celebrated life in Maui - ours, Kira's and my dad's as well. We traveled to Maui with her mother's blessing - we needed that in order to go.


Jennifer's mom, Pat, was dying of cancer. There was not easy way out of that. She wanted us to go on this adventure together. She surprise us with so many gifts and memories along the way. In Oct 2014, Pat passed away. While Jennifer had been preparing for this inevitability, losing her champion was not easy. Again, she showed strength, poise, love and bravery. Last week Jennifer celebrated her birthday - her first without her mom. The year of firsts is never easy.

"They"say (and I am not sure who "they"are) that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I am in awe at Jennifer and all that she has had to handle so far. This woman, my friend, had taught us all lessons, about the strength and compassion. She amazes us with her will and giving nature. She is a source of love and light for us all who are lucky enough to call her Friend. This woman, my friend, deserves to be celebrated..and celebrated again and again!

Jennifer, you are an angel on this earth, surrounded by loving angels of your own. Thank you for your friendship and thank you for your part in my journey! Love you!

A Serge of Celebration...

This whole acknowledging, accepting and "honoring" the concussion I acquired is tough business. Not reading, trying to stay away from screens and taking it easy is tough business. Staying low key and stress free is almost killing me. This time, however, has given me lots of time to think...and think I have done! Sometimes what I am thinking about makes me angry (for no rational reason) or ridiculously sad. Sometimes I am almost overwhelmed with a variety of emotion. I've spent a lot of time thinking about my commitment to celebrating and reaffirming my original belief that I have a great deal to celebrate!

On my calendar, I had chosen one person to celebrate this time - for obvious reasons. Upon reflection, I've decided to yell "Plot Twist" and go a different route.

My life has been about different routes all along...different routes and dancing to different drums..I've uprooted and re-established myself in many different communities during my "post-school" life...Although, who am I kidding..school and learning have been a huge part of my life always. School aside though, becoming a part of a new community, knowing no one is a daunting task. I have a favourite starting point though...with good reason!

My first "stop" when I move to a new community is the local RCMP detachment. For me, the RCMP is the heart of the community. The partnership between the detachment and schools is invaluable. I believe the friendships I have been fortunate enough to build are invaluable too. Yes, my friends teased me relentlessly (or so it seemed) about my "affinity" for a man in uniform - even going as far as being "shocked" to learn that when I did get married, it wasn't to an officer of the law! It wasn't that way at all ever. I knew that with these friendships, I had someone I could count on whenever...

One of my first friends in Pemberton was Scott Bowden. He was an amazing community member for school-aged kids! He spent many recesses in the playground...playing basketball or hockey, throwing a ball or simply just chatting to kids. He was my favourite running partner when his back wasn't a bother for him. He always managed to make me smile and see a brighter side. He treated my son well and kick-started his admiration of "heroes"! Scott gave Jamison his first hockey stick and his first (and only Oilers jersey!) I can remember one occasion, early in our friendship, when Scott came to visit me at school after a particularly upsetting incident with a parent. He quickly whisked me to the local coffee shop to recompose. It was there that I met Travis, who was a Tribal Police officer. Travis and Scott became my go-to guys. Through Travis, I met his beautiful wife, Julie...such an amazing lady!

Eventually Scott left Pemberton to further his career in Squamish...Travis and Julie left Pemberton for Abbotsford. New members moved in and new friendships were formed.

I was fortunate to work and become friends with Paul Vadik. Paul is a character! He was so passionate about his job, his friends and having fun! For me, it was always a treat to have him swing by the school or see him out in the community. I think one of the most admirable qualities Paul has is that he doesn't put up with any nonsense. He was set on making Pemberton a better place for all.

I remember one very wet Halloween in Pemberton when Paul was on patrol. As my son, in his soggy dinosaur costume, and I trudged from house to house, we met up with Paul in Vinyl Village. When he rolled down his window to say hello to Jamison, my son gave Paul some of his Halloween candy! It was obvious that Paul had made an impact on Jamison too...what kid gives away his candy?!?!

Here's what I appreciate about Paul - he's been on his own journey over the years. A journey that makes him even stronger and even more of a character! Here's what I appreciate about both Scott and Paul the most....I always knew I was looked after and safe...and that I had a friend on whom I could rely! 

When I moved to Okotoks from Pemberton, I quickly weaseled my way into the RCMP community too. I haven't formed the same friendships here as I did in BC, but Okotoks is a different type of community and officers move out of here more frequently. I know, however, that I have people here I can turn to in a heartbeat! My son has gone through his "I want to be a policeman" more than once in his little life - although policeman and break-dancer sometimes go hand - in - hand for him! Maybe he knew Paul better than I thought!

In recent times, with all of the targeted tragedies involving RCMP offices, I knew that celebrating guys like Scott and Paul needed to happen! Too often we forget to remember that RCMP and all first responders are people too - family men, fathers, sons, brothers and friends. Scott and Paul, you have my admiration and friendship always.

Friends are the Family you choose for yourself...

Sometimes, however, you get lucky enough and the family you do have are your friends...as I think back over my life, and I cannot remember all the way back, I am quick to recall some special people who have been there always. This special part of my family, I know, will be there when I need them no matter what...Today I celebrate my cousins...I have more than 100 cousins on one side of my family and close to 75 on the other. There are a few that I am closer to - I can always count on them to share a laugh, a tear, a story...

When we were all younger - much younger - we spent many days together. Christmas Eves at our house, Christmas Day at theirs. I remember the hours we put in to perfecting our performances for our parents. We were such amazing Bay City Rollers...Donnie and Marie Osmond...Captain and Tenille...we rocked our polyester pantsuits! Why we didn't pursue these talents I will never know (well, actually I do know why...) :-) I remember the birthday parties at our houses. I remember visits to Baba and Gigi's in Mundare. I wasn't the favourite grandchild, and I say that with a smile..."Don't you love me?"..."I love you...in a different way." Still makes me laugh to this day.

The memories made with Kelly and Shawna are with me always. Lip-sync, cake, Ukranian feasts at Christmas, whatever the occasion, I always knew I was with friends! I was lucky enough to go to the U of A with Shawna. While we weren't in the same program of studies (I majored in beer and coffee some years; Shawna became a dentist) or in the same fraternity (Kappa Alpha Theta for me, Pi Phi for her), I always looked forward to the chance to hang out. I remember one of my birthdays with both Kelly and Shawna...oh my gosh, the laughs we had that night still hurt my sides! I can't remember the name of the restaurant (I think it was one of Peter Pocklington's ventures), but I can remember the joy of the evening.

Kelly and I share the same sick sense of humor...we can laugh together at almost nothing. As we approach the next decade in our lives, I can't think of someone I'd rather spend this momentous occasion with than Kelly. This year, I am particularly honored to be in a position to help with questions about school and future for Kelly's oldest son. I am so thrilled to be able to be of assistance!

Kelly and Shawna have a younger brother, Jay, who was as much a part of all the fun and frivolity as the girls were. Jay was naughty...down right naughty...but darn cute at the same time! If it wasn't for Jay, I don't think I could have survived working at the golf course as long as we did. Jay has this knack of seeing everything so positively - actually, all three of these special friends have this knack...this gift. Jay has this ability to make everyone around him smile. He listens with his whole self - like you are the only person who matters at that moment.

It's neat to see all of grow together - all of us are parents of great kids. All of us have lived through challenges and come out ahead of the game. All of us are still close. I believe that if we were in need, that any one of us would step up at any time.

I saw this first hand when my dad died. The first people to call me were Kelly, Shawna and Jay. The people who called or emailed the most often were Kelly, Shawna and Jay. Death can do strange things to family, but I got lucky. I know they loved my dad and all of his idiosyncrasies - I know they love me. I love that I can call to just chat or text to let them know I love them...I love that they are my family.

Kelly, Shawna and Jay are family I have...and friends that I want! Thank you all for being a part of my journey! I love you tons!

I get by with a Little Help from my FRIENDS!

The challenge in this journey is to identify who I will celebrate...and celebrate next! There are likely far more than 52 people I could celebrate this week alone, but that might be too easy. I committed to celebrating friends and family who have influenced, shaped and impacted my life. Interestingly enough, I believe that I am only recently becoming the person I think I've always hoped to be...becoming is the key word!
I have chosen certain friends to celebrate at specific times during the year for specific reasons - that is easy. It's the random celebration that is more difficult. Perhaps that will be (yet another) a gift in this journey - random...spontaneous...from the heart celebration. Perhaps this week I will start - not chronologically, not based on an event, but at a pivotal time in my life and in the lives of my family.
19 years ago my brother was diagnosed with Leukemia. This story will come to life later. However, during this time there was a group of people, now friends, who were instrumental in helping me to keep my sanity. These people, now in their 30s, were once my students early in my career. These students are now, I am fortunate to say, Friends.
Who knew teenagers were capable of teaching me...of giving so much without really even knowing? There were days I would show up at school, barely able to keep it together. They showed up too...with everything they had. They let me cry. They let me be human. For that, I am thankful.
The gifts have kept coming through the years - regular communication, invitations to weddings and graduations, baby announcements, and most especially the out-of-the-blue thank yous. The thank yous are what I celebrate the most - they are my bonuses always.
While I had the privilege of teaching many unique individuals during the time of my brother's diagnosis, transplant and early years of remission, there are many "kids" who are still a part of my life today. The challenge here I face here is creating the persona that would fit all of these special people...

I think this is a great mantra...be the bright light in someone's life...be someone's sunshine.., I vividly remember a conversation with a parent who told me that her daughter was afraid of me...right to my heart! That was an eye-opener! I had to change. I needed to be more "sunshine" and less "grey". My mission was to change. As a teacher, this was a valuable lesson. I am so thankful for my relationship with this beautiful person! Today she shares her gifts with others in so many ways. She still continues to teach me through all of her growing, writing and love.
I still smile at the memories of a cheeky young lady who excelled at teenage girl-isms. She taught me patience and humor, and forced me to find other ways to communicate. Today she is a successful graduate with a very giving career ahead of her. I carry this young lady with me in my career every day - memory of her hangs on my wall in every office I have had.
A couple of years after my brother's diagnosis, the gravity of it all really hit me. A feeling of loss of control, sadness, fear overwhelmed me. It was a student who recognized I was in "crisis" and pointed out that I was in distress. A student...a teenager....wise beyond her years. I am thankful, to this day, for that gift. I am thankful for the relationship we had that would inspire this teen to care that much.
I celebrate the laughter in my classes - reading Shakespeare "in character"...I celebrate the hard times - I need help... I messed up...I consider myself so fortunate to have been a part of the journey that others are taking.
I am honored to receive phone calls from afar, letting me know so many great things - I got a new job...I'm getting married...I graduated! I am saddened to hear about the challenges, but grateful to be a part of the conversation, and thrilled to learn of the subsequent triumphs - cancer, divorce, stress...all overcome by such strong character!
I celebrate the fact that these young people...now adults and friends...have made my life so much richer. I am reluctant to name names because I know I will forget someone equally important as the next. Thank you for letting me into your lives, your homes and your hearts. If you haven't heard it before... Thank you for all that you have given me!
Stril

2015 - A Year of Celebrating Friends...

The past year has been the beginning of an exciting journey for me. My goal is to become a better "me". My focus has been to become more mindful and present. Stacks of books are piled up beside my bed, under my bed...inside my vehicle, my purse, my office...I can't seem to get enough to read about becoming more mindful..."better". Within this journey is the opportunity to celebrate - celebrate those who have influenced my life and helped me become who I am today. At 47 years of age, I am ready to start the journey to grow into myself. Having said that, the first "friend" I need to celebrate is myself. If I can't be a friend to myself, then I can't be a friend to anyone.

"Love yourself first and everything else will fall into place. You really have to love yourself first to get anything done in the world."(Lucille Ball)

How many of us in our youth, or even now, don't take time to get to know ourselves...love who we are? When I told my 11 year old son my intentions to become a better person and how I was going to do it, he responded with "That's going to be hard work for you Mom." As funny as that was, it was prophetic. It is hard work, and it will continue to be.

The past twelve months have brought many challenges and triumphs. January brought with it a bout of Bell's Palsy for me...I was lucky though. Not as serious as it could have been - scary, but not deadly. With support, I conquered another run with the Team in Training, raising more money for research and development for Blood Related Cancers. I had an amazing trip to Maui with an inspirational friend I will celebrate later. I trained for triathlons, and even won one (first win ever!). I began to take a closer look at how I can grow and improve as a person, a parent, a leader and a friend. This journey has taken me to investigate mindfulness...more purpose, more listening, more relationship building and more.

Right now, I might be inclined to say that I like who I am becoming. Some days are diamonds, of course; others, not so much. The "other" days are why I celebrate my friends.
"At times our own Light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." (Albert Schweitzer) How true is that?!

So...I welcome this year to celebrate others as I continue to grow from their love and light!